If you don't absolutely love me stop reading right now!
So I am doing this 8 weeks to wellness right now and it is hard but it seems to be worth it. I have lost about 4 lbs in the first week but that is probably just water weight. I have committed myself to trying for at least the first 4 weeks. Since the first week is done I have 3 weeks to go...and I can stand on my head for that length of time! So I can do this right? right???
I have made a bigger commitment to myself and that is losing weight...I bought a scale at the beginning of this adventure and it shocked me...265lbs...that is really hard for me to write down for all the world to see. But since you are still reading you absolutely love me and won't judge me or mock me in any way.
I have struggled with my weight for long time...I realize it is more than just a very slow metabolism, I have issues that started at about 18. I was very cute and had a rockin bod...I got alot of attention that I was very uncomfortable with...after I got married...my husband was possessive, jealous and mean. Somewhere deep down inside I thought it was all my fault and if I just made myself unattractive enough things would be better. Well that was a load of crock I sold myself. After my divorce the weight fell off and I was feeling great...but good things never last. I was assaulted and again deep down inside I blamed myself...so I put some weight back on to protect myself from these kinds of things. Again I sold myself a pile of poo...but you have to understand hind sight is 20/20 and at the time it was mostly subconscious.
Met Twain and fell in love...went back to a nice normal more healthy weight. Then he died and I cocooned myself again from the world with an extra 50 lbs. Thinking no one would love me at that weight so I was safe from ever getting hurt again...another pile of you know what.
Fell in love with Cory and all bets were off. I feel safe...I feel loved...I think if I received unwanted attention I could handle it...so why do I have all these extra lbs on still? Good question and when I figure that out I am sure the weight will be easier to lose.
But I can't wait any longer...my weight is a health concern.
I looked into surgery and went through all the steps...but when we prayed about it I felt strongly that I shouldn't do it at this time.
I guess I have to figure this out and conquer it myself.
I can't believe I am sharing this on my blog...and its not even private.
I am going to use my blog as a kind of journal for my honest to goodness...no holes barred...do it or die...attempt at becoming healthier...and we all know that means losing weight.
Pray for me please...I cannot do this alone...I am not strong enough.
Love
One not so skinny L
8 comments:
you go girl! you are so awesome and i do absolutely love you. prayers are on the way! xoxo =)
Michele,
That takes a lot of courage to do. I just wanted to say that I love you the way you are. But you are the one that needs to love and accept you. I are an inspiration to me!
You are amazing! Anyone that has enough willpower to loose wait has my utmost admiration.
You are stronger than you think my sweet sister!!! You will get here...remember it didn't go on in 8 wks and it won't come off that fast!
Love you tons!!! I will be praying for you!
I meant get "there"....my t sticks. :) You don't want to get "here".;)
Keep up the good work! You can do it!!! I totally respect you for throwing this out there.
Hey beauty, you've inspired me. I have a great friend who is a nutritionist and told me that weight gain always has an emotional basis. I seem to like a little protection myself :o), but am not sure what the underlying factors may be. (Not sure I want to go there yet:o)
I'm with you all the way! Wish I could actually be there and we could do it together...
Michele that's awesome! I'm so proud of you, you can do it!!! It takes a lot of courage to talk about it like you have. I believe in you!!
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