Thursday, December 09, 2010

The Flu Affect

Lost another 9 lbs...oh wait that was a result of the flu from that means as soon as I drink some water all the weight will come back. Well it was nice to see 240...even if it was a lie.
Dene lost like 6 lbs...she was so kind of scared me. I don't want my girls to have weight issues. My older sister had bulimia issues and my little sister stopped eating as a young teenager.
I know my struggle is affecting my family...they see me exercise and eat healthy...they see the frustration at my mediocre results.
I have been slacking lately...all the money...Christmas around the corner...I know I should take all the stress and ride my bike all the way to Phoenix but instead all I want to do is crawl under a rock and stay there until everything is better. Unfortunately I can't do that so I crawl into myself and hide. I don't go out...I don't even want to make crafts...its like I go into a walking coma. I go about my daily tasks...take the girls to school, shower, etc but I don't want to do it...I just do it because I don't have a choice. I want to want to do things...I even force myself to do things. Like I am doing a Christmas craft in Dene's class in the morning and I am dreading it...but I know I have to get out and do things or I will just mope around the house all day.
Sounds like depression doesn't it? But this is something I have way of not dealing with my scary life right now. Its really not like me...well I hope its not like me...I like to think of myself as a go getter...a problem solver...the creative thinker...the doer...if something is broken I fix it (or at least get someone to fix it) If someone is sick I bring them dinner, if someone is down I try to lighten the load...where did SHE go?
It can't be Seasonal Affect Disorder the sun shines every day.
I am in a funk and I have to get out of it...and soon.
I don't want to gain the weight back that it took me 8 weeks to lose...I have to stay strong and focused...I have to find it inside myself.
I think I will take this to the Lord as well.
Sorry for the downer is part of my weight loss struggle since I eat more when I am stressed.
Wish me luck
One blue L

Thursday, December 02, 2010

Son of a Nutcracker!

That pretty much sums up my last few weeks.
Finished the 8 week challenge in first place...yeah for me!
Cory was "let go" from his job at Pacific Dental Services a week before Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving was supposed to be at my house but so few of Cory's family could make it to Tucson it was moved to Gilbert. Its hard to cook in a kitchen that is not yours.

Things I have learned...I am a stress/boredom eater.
Has life been stressful these last few weeks?..Bells YES!
The Challenge was good for me...I lost weight and gained a better understanding of my relationship with food. I never realized how much we ate out until I was not allowed to have fast food for 6 days of the week.
Have I figured it all out and the pounds are just dropping off...NO... I wish!
Losing weight is so hard. Eating right and exercising is easy.
I am feeling defeated today...but I am not giving up.

I am glad Cory is finished with PDS, the management here in Tucson is just awful, so disorganized and shady...I hate shady. Cory is so honest and they wanted him to exaggerate and mislead patients and that just isn't right. We knew it wasn't going to be a great partnership but Cory was committed to giving them his best til Christmas...then he would have quit if things were not better. I guess they just made the decision for us a little early.
This Christmas will be lean...but at least Cory won't have to check his integrity at the door.
Cory has some interviews next week and we are pretty much sure a move is in the near future...again. But what can you do? I am secretly excited...I love the area here and love being close to family but in the end if Cory is happy and making money then life is good...and its only for 3 years and then our plan is to open his own that means alot of saving and no real spending. I can live with that. The girls are old enough that I can get a job and pay off those student loans a little faster.
My weight...I just don't want to talk about it today....or tomorrow. I feel like I am getting smaller...but the scales are mean. I know muscle weighs more than fat but you can only tell yourself that for 8 weeks before you know there is more to it than that.
I am not giving up, I have just lost some wind. I will gt it back and kick my own butt.
later friends
One L