Lost another 9 lbs...oh wait that was a result of the flu from Hades...so that means as soon as I drink some water all the weight will come back. Well it was nice to see 240...even if it was a lie.
Dene lost like 6 lbs...she was so excited...it kind of scared me. I don't want my girls to have weight issues. My older sister had bulimia issues and my little sister stopped eating as a young teenager.
I know my struggle is affecting my family...they see me exercise and eat healthy...they see the frustration at my mediocre results.
I have been slacking lately...all the stress...no job...no money...Christmas around the corner...I know I should take all the stress and ride my bike all the way to Phoenix but instead all I want to do is crawl under a rock and stay there until everything is better. Unfortunately I can't do that so I crawl into myself and hide. I don't go out...I don't even want to make crafts...its like I go into a walking coma. I go about my daily tasks...take the girls to school, shower, etc but I don't want to do it...I just do it because I don't have a choice. I want to want to do things...I even force myself to do things. Like I am doing a Christmas craft in Dene's class in the morning and I am dreading it...but I know I have to get out and do things or I will just mope around the house all day.
Sounds like depression doesn't it? But this is something I have created...my way of not dealing with my scary life right now. Its really not like me...well I hope its not like me...I like to think of myself as a go getter...a problem solver...the creative thinker...the doer...if something is broken I fix it (or at least get someone to fix it) If someone is sick I bring them dinner, if someone is down I try to lighten the load...where did SHE go?
It can't be Seasonal Affect Disorder the sun shines every day.
I am in a funk and I have to get out of it...and soon.
I don't want to gain the weight back that it took me 8 weeks to lose...I have to stay strong and focused...I have to find it inside myself.
I think I will take this to the Lord as well.
Sorry for the downer post...it is part of my weight loss struggle since I eat more when I am stressed.
Wish me luck
One blue L
3 comments:
Michele, hang in there! I am sorry to hear that things are so difficult right now. I always notice as I look back on my life that before the greatest blessings come there is a period of difficulty preceding it usually...almost as if Heavenly Father is preparing me to appreciate it! After our greatest trials really do come our greatest personal strength and blessings. Anyway, I wish I could hang out with you, I am so proud of all you have accomplished so far and know that good things are coming.
Hey you, sounds like you could use lots of hugs and perhaps some time alone to sort it out. Frankly, what's so bad about climbing back in bed after the kids get off to school? I've been there (for 2 years actually) and after all that time walking around in a fog, (that had become so deep I didn't even realize it was there) I was amazed at the day (in Pgh) that it lifted and I felt like a real person again.
Sure love you...and miss you! I wish we could have a girls night and just relax together. I am thinking of you and missing you. I hope your Christmas was meaningful in some good ways. You are all those things good you mentioned and sometimes we just need a little kick in the pants to get back on track. Sure love you. You'll be back at it soon. loves,
Radene & fam.
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